Monday, May 21, 2012

I'll Miss You, Ahda

Just as I felt in my heart - my grandfather only had a few more days after Easter.  He passed away before I got to see him - the very morning the kids and I were headed on the plane to St. Louis.  In some ways - I am glad I didn't see him the way he was at the end.  I don't think he would have wanted me to see him like that, either.  Instead, the last memory I have was our 2 week trip in October where we got to spend a lot of time with him and the phone conversations that we had in February and the last words I said to him were, "I love you".  Thank goodness that I have that to hold on to.  His death was definitely unexpected and it is still very hard to deal with.  He was truly my very first best friend and our relationship remained close all these years.  I thought the world of him and his passing has left a huge hole in my heart.  I am so happy that he lived a healthy 94 years and that we danced together at my wedding and he was able to get to see Addie and Harrison on a fairly frequent basis.  Unfortunately he won't meet the new baby - but he did know that I was naming the baby after him and I know that meant so much to him.  Though my children probably won't member Ahda - I will make sure that they know of him and how wonderful he was and how much he loved them.  He was the best grandpa anyone could ever ask for and I thank God every day that he was mine.

Easter 2012

This post has taken me a long time to get to because of all of the emotions tied up with it.  Easter this year - not so good for me.  My Ahda fell around March 11 and broke his tailbone.  He was supposed to go to a SNF just to get physical therapy so he could return home and be safe again - but that never happened.  It was a series of unfortunate events that occurred as soon as he was admitted there - pneumonia, kidney infection, swallowing issues, etc.  We never saw it coming because he was pretty much okay before all of this happened and my last phone call with him was upbeat.  He was looking forward to our upcoming 2 week visit on April 11 - and that was that.  When I got that dreaded call Easter morning that he was in the ICU and things weren't looking good - I just knew I was running out of time and my visit scheduled in 3 days may not be what I anticipated.  So Easter morning at our house was a rough time for me.  I wanted my family to have a good day - but I just wasn't feeling it.  We did the baskets, the backyard hunt, and the Easter brunch.  And then I headed home to pack suitcases for the trip back home to St. Louis.  What was supposed to be a trip home to spend time with Ahda before the baby came was not going to happen  - I knew it.  At least Addie and Harrison had no clue what was going on and I am sure that they had a great Easter - filled with a ton a jelly beans and candy.